Align With Love

UPDATE: Cindy and B got married in the Fall of 2016!!

Here’s a Love Story written by a successful, funny, independent, single mom in love with a wonderful man. Cindy shares how B really supports her in being all that she can be and is the perfect addition to her daughter’s life as well.

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In the fall of 2013, a woman I knew shared on a Facebook that she was looking for a friend to split the cost of Soulmate School. Soulmate School??  What?  That sounded like an education I needed, so I signed up.

The program was a major shift in my life. I learned some meditation tools that I still use today, and helped me to finally let go of a “kryptonite” kind of guy who had been stringing me along for 5 years.

After completing the course I was finally able to say to him – and mean it this time!  — ‘I don’t want to be a part of your harem anymore.’ Finally seeing that whole mess for what it was, knowing he wasn’t what I truly wanted, and being able to cut that toxic cord opened me up for truly living my life.

Soulmate School gave me a sense of peace and self-worth I’d been after for 30 years.

At age 50, I learned how to really love myself and find out what works for me and is good for me. 

In early January 2014, I had a private session with Liesel, and she said ‘you seem blocked – like you could use some acupuncture’, so the next day I went to see my acupuncturist.  I also had a session with my counselor that day.  Talk about a triple threat!

I told my therapist that I just really didn’t want to go back to dating online because of my past experiences.

She said, ‘well, a man might just appear at your door, or you could view this process like getting fit – you have to work at it, and the best way to improve your man-picking skills is to date them.’

So the next morning, I woke up super early and decided to “just look” on match.com.  But there he was, one of the first men I saw.

I loved his face. He seemed sweet and smart, and I decided to reach out to him. I didn’t have a profile, but I wrote him a note and said…

“I know I don’t have a profile or photos, but think of it like the Rexall Drug 25 cent grab bags – where you could end up with a dried out bottle of nail polish or a quartz crystal. I think of myself as a quartz. P.S. it cost me $40 in sign-up fees to send this note, so I hope you’ll at least agree to coffee.”

Being the smart guy that he is, he said yes. He took a chance.  And I loved that about him, too.

Because of some dating nightmares I had endured over the previous year (meeting a guy online who turned out to be – uh – MARRIED), I told him up front that I was going to do a background check on him. He said, ‘well I’ll just tell you what you’re going to find’.

He told me the story of his last relationship. The story sounded so familiar and then he started mentioning names, and I realized the woman he had dated was my sister’s friend.

Later, I asked my sister and brother-in-law about him, and they both gave him a big thumbs up. I decided I didn’t need to do a background check after all. When I told him about the connection, we both laughed at the synchronicity.  There were (and are) so many.

A few months later I introduced him to my daughter. They immediately connected and liked each other.

He is the perfect partner for me, and is such a wonderful addition for my daughter. He even fills some gaps that her dad leaves open. I love that she gets to see us together, see what it’s like to be really partnered with and adored by a grown-up man, who loves and respects me just as I am.

In the past, I’ve always felt like I had to be smaller than a man, stuff myself into a smaller space so as not to scare or overwhelm. It’s not like that with B at all. He’s so self-assured. He’s not intimidated by me or my job or my financial situation.

He has two very powerful sisters and a strong mom. He’s really comfortable with their place in the world and how they express their needs and desires. He honors them and he honors me.

I can be rather prickly at times and he’s so good with handling that. He stands his ground but doesn’t escalate things. He just stays present with me with grace and empathy.

One afternoon, after a particularly prickly morning, I said – as I scratched my leg raw –  “Gosh, I don’t understand why I am so itchy today!!”  B responded with “Well, you had a super stressful morning, and there is so much going on, so it’s understandable, really.”  I looked at him…and said “I said ITCHY.  ITCHY.”  We laughed pretty hard at that one, and still do.  We laugh a lot.

In past relationships, I lost track of so many things… myself, my friends, paperwork, things I needed to do.

With B, it’s the opposite. I am so much better in every way with him in my life. I’m more together, more organized. I’m healthier physically, I am more focused in my work and friendships.

I’m even a better mother. Having raised his own daughter, he is such a great resource and sounding board in parenting.

He’s the biggest softy and yet he’s this big, hulk of a guy. He’s a real man – thoughtful, strong and loving. I never doubt his commitment. He’s not competing with me, I’m not competing with him, we just enhance each other.

I can’t adequately express how happy he makes me.

He’s kind and accepting and such a gift in my life. I see us being together until the end of our lives.

Even now I’m just astonished at what it’s like to be loved like this. Aside from being a parent it’s the most extraordinary thing in my life. I just had no idea.

Liesel has absolutely changed my life. She’s the real deal.

Finding love has been a decades-long quest and here I am.

-Cindy