Align With Love

A few months ago I was in my favorite hang out in Ojai, the Farmer and the Cook, and a radiant young woman came up and introduced herself to me. She said she had taken Soulmate School and that she was now in the most amazing relationship. She’d been worried that because she was a single mom of a toddler, it would be really hard to find the right partner. We spoke at length a few weeks later and Allie shared her love story with me.

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A Single Mom’s Love Story

I got married very young and was used to being merged with my ex-husband and not really having a sense of self.  I didn’t know another way to be in relationship. When my marriage ended, I was at a really low point and I had no self-confidence, especially in terms of relationship. I felt that if my own husband can’t love me – I must not be lovable.

I knew that at some point I wanted a man in my life but I wasn’t ready, and I had closed myself off romantically from anyone. Plus I have a 2 year old daughter and I couldn’t imagine finding a man that would fit into our lives. I found myself thinking “How in the world am I going to be able to date and when I have a daughter and I put her to bed at 8:00 every night?”

I had met S. before Soulmate School and even though he’s handsome and a great guy, I wasn’t initially attracted to him. I realized in going through the course that I was intimidated by the fact that he was really strong in his masculine self. I wanted a masculine man, but at the same time, I was afraid of his power because I wasn’t in mine.

In Soulmate School, I felt for the first time what it felt like to be truly connected to myself. I learned how to come back to my center and to really love myself for the first time. I started nurturing myself in a whole new way and cleared the block that I was unlovable.

A few months after Soulmate School finished, S and I started spending time together just as friends.

I was in a new place of wanting to be pursued. So I let him pursue me and feel what that felt like. The first time he reached out was a text message and I didn’t even reply. After 3 or 4 times of him reaching out I found myself to feeling a little attracted to him.

In Soulmate School, we talked about how the slow build of attraction can be really important – so I thought maybe it’s ok that I’m not that into it right away. As he pursued me I felt more trust in him.

Then I showed a picture of him to a friend of mine and she pointed out that he had really kind eyes and that shifted something for me. I wanted to be with a kind, masculine man. And I wanted to be on the receiving end of being pursued and really being in the feminine. And that’s what was happening.

I went away for a week and was surprised that I was thinking about him while I was gone.

Then one day after about a month of hanging out we were at his house cuddling on the grass and I let him kiss me. It was really sweet and gentle and it felt really nice, really liberating. I felt a surge of joy and excitement and tenderness open within myself. I felt taken care of by him.

At first, I felt a bit scared. I wanted to know that there was some security. That I could feel safe to open myself up more. When I shared these feelings with him he responded by saying “I really like how things are with you and I’m open to how it unfolds. I’m really loving getting to know you, and I’m loving exploring this with you”.

And he wrote me sweet poetry about what he was experiencing within himself and in relationship to us.

I realized that I could be however I wanted to be in the relationship and that was totally new for me.

It was surprising, as we started getting into the relationship, I noticed there wasn’t any anxious energy to lock things down within either us – we really stayed in discovery mode with each other. It even still feels that way. Like we are still discovering each other and we’re open and at ease in the relationship.

After a month it was easy to decide that we didn’t want to be with anyone else. We both wanted the same things in partnership and we have those things together now.

When we first started spending time together, I had no idea how it would work out being in relationship and having a 2 year old daughter who is still nursing and co-sleeping.

S. has a daughter who’s 5 and he understands what it takes to be a parent and has been really supportive with Kaya and of my parenting style.

It took Kaya a little time to feel really comfortable with him. At first she was really attached to me and didn’t want to leave my side when we were with him. As time went by it was a natural progression and now sometimes she just wants him to hold her.

He’s so great with her. He gets up with her in the middle of the night and rocks her to sleep after she finishes nursing. When we’re at a restaurant he’ll be the one to take her to go wash her hands. He fits into the way things already are in mine and Kaya’s lives. He says he feels connected to Kaya almost as much as he’s connected to his own daughter.

The biggest difference for me in this relationship is how we both are really committed to being centered in ourselves. In other relationships there was always a dependency and wanting the person to make me feel a certain way. I counted on the relationship to provide all the love I needed.

This relationship requires me to open my heart more to loving all of my life and not just focusing on one person. So it feels expansive. I now know the importance of coming back to my center and that it’s essential to have time alone.

It’s so different. Aligned and centered and connected at the same time.

My friends are all surprised that I’m not merging and obsessed with him, that I’m so relaxed in this relationship.

When we were setting our intentions in Soulmate School I was really clear that I wanted a man who is completely in love with me AND with Kaya. A man who would support my parenting style. I wanted a man who fit into my life as it is. I was clear that I was not going to have a relationship that couldn’t do that.  Soulmate School gave me the confidence in myself to be vulnerable enough to step into the unknown and allow the love in.

I learned that I don’t need to be completely perfect before going into a relationship.

Now I am practicing allowing myself to receive everything I’ve wanted and I’m stepping into the unknown and the wonderment – I’m still learning to receive from him and allowing myself to be present and feel what is happening in the moment. To get out of my head and really enjoy this love.

It’s funny that I couldn’t see it when I first met him because now he is the most attractive man in the world – the most gorgeous man I’ve seen in my life. I’m so grateful!

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UPDATE

I just ran into Allie the other day. She’s no longer a single mom. She and S are expecting a baby! I love happy endings 🙂