Align With Love
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Robin and Phil are both artists and met at Robin’s glass studio in San Francisco when Phil came through town to lead a workshop there. She shares about their creative and spiritual (and sexual!) connection. Enjoy the love story…
I’ve always been a person who appreciates solitude, but I also had a really strong attachment to other people and I totally based my well being and self worth on those around me. I always put everyone else’s wants and needs before my own. It was like I was trying to give to others as a way of modeling what I needed.
Of course it didn’t work and I kept attracting men who were emotionally and spiritually unavailable to me.
These relationships where I gave and gave were an excuse for me to not pay attention to myself and of course they completely furthered my own feelings of unworthiness.
In doing Soulmate School, I really integrated that it’s ok for me to take care of myself and my own wants and needs. That it’s actually necessary in order to have a healthy relationship. So with the tools from Soulmate School as my foundation, I decided to take time off from dating anyone – a period of intentional celibacy. It was the first time in my life that I’d been single for more than a few months and it was amazingly transformational for me.
I knew that being on my own path, taking care of myself and being juiced up was what was going to call in the right person.
And the universe was really clear with me that I needed to have this time alone. Every time I would think that I wanted to date, I’d see the kind of guys I was attracting and it wasn’t really what I wanted.
The whole experience was a really good exercise in trust.
And then Phil came into my life.
We are both artists and I met him at my glass studio. He was traveling around the country doing workshops. The day I met him I was leaving for the east coast for the holidays. He seemed like a nice guy and I thought what a cool life to be a traveling glass blower, but I didn’t think much about it.
Then 5 months later he came back into the area and spent more time at the studio. He offered a lot of help and established a great rapport with everyone there. He really became part of the family even though he was only in town occasionally. At the end of that visit we spent some time together. We took a walk, made dinner and he crashed on my floor. The next day when he left we shared the most amazing hug – it was the best hug I’d ever had with anyone. It felt like a huge connection.
We kept in touch via email but neither one of us thought we would come together in any deeper way. Then last Christmas he came back and he asked me to spend the day with him.
We had a beautiful romantic hike through Golden Gate Park in the rain and as the weather cleared we had our first kiss on the beach under the stars.
The whole relationship began very organically – I didn’t know in the moment that this was it. He was in town for just two weeks and then leaving to go teach at a university in Georgia. So I really thought of it as a fling with a guy I totally trusted. I thought he’d be a good start to get back into dating after this long time of being single. I didn’t expect to stay connected to him but it just naturally happened. We started communicating every day and got closer and closer to each other.
Now we see each other as often as we can and our relationship is so amazing. It feels different in every way from past relationships.
When I’m with him, I feel totally relaxed and totally energized at the same time. I’ve always somehow known and felt that this was how it should be, but because of past relationships where it never happened, I thought it wasn’t possible for me.
And having to wait to be with him is so worth it because it feels so completely right and totally amazing.
He’s planning to move to San Francisco next year when he finishes at the University. And even the long distance part of this has been really healthy for me. I’ve actually been grateful to be physically apart and yet really well connected.
It’s helped me to recognize and work on my own tendencies to get overly attached to others and lose myself. In past relationships, I would need to be physically close to a person all the time and it was too easy for me to go from dating to spending every day and night together. Now with this imposed space, I’ve been able to watch that tendency to want to merge and and I’ve taken the time and space on my own to work with that.
We have such a great connection. As artists we love to talk about our projects. We both love discussing psychology and spirituality. We talk about energy. We do our morning meditation together. We share massage and exchange energetic healing together. Just by the other person’s touch feels like it is healing to us. There is such safety, gentleness, and an intuitive feeling of being seen.
He provides the perfect balance of strong and gentle and we have a beautiful sexual connection (even the phone sex is great – in fact it’s better than the physical sex I had with any of my past partners!)
For me it’s so amazing to be in relationship with a man who I don’t need to appease at all. The more I’m myself, the more amazing I feel, and the more attracted he is to me. Love feels totally unconditional for the first time in my life and I feel seen on the deepest level I’ve ever experienced.
Soulmate School laid the foundation for me for so many things. Not just this relationship but also focusing on my spiritually and recognizing that taking care of myself was first and foremost. I think that learning to shine my radiance allowed me to feel safe enough to attract a man who can truly see me. And it’s exactly what I’ve always wanted.
I’m flying out to Georgia in November and and we’re taking a road trip up the east coast to meet each other’s families. We are talking about marriage and babies and it feels really exciting and so right. I absolutely feel that we’re going to make an amazing life and family together.
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UPDATE: Robin and Phil got married in July of 2014!
