The Energetic Matchmaker, Liesel Rigsby
Learn 5 essential tools to making space for love.

Kat’s Inspiring Life After Divorce

Kat headshot

 I met Kat about 6 months ago when she called me to help support her in creating a new life after divorce. She was in a very challenging place then. And now she’s happier than she’s ever been. Kat’s story is such a beautiful testament to the power of energetic work in making huge shifts in your life! I’m excited to share Kat’s personal love story with you.

When I first reached out to you 6 months ago I was completely grief stricken. My marriage was crumbling and my youngest had just left for college. Everything I had spent the past 20 years building was over.

This beautiful family, this house full of love and laughter and light, it was all gone.

I was all alone and that was a really uncomfortable place for me to be. I felt lost, depressed and rejected. I was really scared.

Ultimately I knew I’d get through it, I just really needed some help

When two different people, that don’t know each other, recommended you, I saw that as a sign. I’d looked at Soulmate School online but I didn’t want a man, I wanted to connect with myself and figure out who I was now that my life was completely changed.

Up until that point 6 months ago, my identity had been based completely on what I did for others. I had a really hard time identifying my own needs, let alone fulfilling them. I had very little self-care and didn’t really known how to give to myself.

I was very low on my own priority list.

I was completely dependent on external elements to define me: my outfit, hair, jewelry, home. Inside, I wasn’t quite sure who I was or what I wanted.

For my whole life I’d felt like I needed to be perfect to be loved.  I’ve always been a person where if have a problem I create a solution and solve it. But with my marriage, I couldn’t fix it and that was really hard for me to feel like I had failed in such a big way.

But I also knew I couldn’t be someone else’s idea of perfect anymore.

My parents trained me to be contained by extreme structure and rules. My husband wanted me to be in his shadow.

I wanted to let the free spontaneous alive part of myself out of captivity.

I wanted to let go of the importance I placed on what others think and feel about me. I wanted to know who I was, what I wanted, what made me happy, what I needed. I want to learn to put my own needs first.

Now through this work, I am on the path to giving myself what I want and need.

When I compare myself from 6 months ago to now there are SO many changes!

One huge thing that I’ve noticed that’s different is my inner critic. She used to be really prominent and loud, now she’s looking kind of embarrassed and sulking in a corner somewhere.

As the inner critic has quieted down, this other voice of connection, wisdom and intuition has gotten louder and louder – it’s like a warrior princess inside of me. And the more I listen to this new voice, the more things fall into place.

I’m much more likely to go do fun stuff for myself even though there is work to do and things get done – I grew up believing that you had to get all of your chores done before you could play. Now I know that everything’s is not going to fall apart if I go for a hike or a beach walk or go meet a friend for coffee.

Every morning I used to wake up and think ‘ok today is Tuesday I have this meeting I need to get this payroll done I need to this this and this’.

Instead of waking up and boom, do the dishes, eat your breakfast standing up at the counter, get ready, get out the door.

Now I wake up and have my new morning routine. I make a yummy coffee with this frothy almond milk, I light candles and play chanting music. I do yoga and a meditation. Then I’ll journal for a few minutes.  I love this beautiful gentle way of starting my day.

That’s one of the most prominent new ways of being – I am so much more gentle with myself. I used to constantly push myself to feeling like I was going to lose it sometimes.

And I’ve realized if I feel overwhelmed sometimes it’s ok to cancel plans and light a fire and curl up on the couch and watch a movie. That it’s actually healing to take care of myself like that and then the next day I wake up and I feel better.

Now when I have challenging days, instead of pushing it away and pushing myself to do stuff. I comfort myself and let myself go inward. I am so much nicer to me.

I used to be way up in my head and I felt like all of my energy was tied up in mental chatter. I’m more grounded now than I’ve ever been. It’s with me all the time it’s not just there when I’m meditating.

And the connection to my inner light is really prominent now. I can just think about it and feel it there. At first I had a hard time connecting to the light. I really questioned it. What is that light and what’s it’s supposed to mean and how come I’m not feeling it? My mind was chattering the whole time.

And now sometimes I’m in the grocery store and I’m wondering if people notice that I’m glowing, because I’m feeling this light within me so strong.

Another big shift is that I’ve re-identified my definition of fun.  My ex husband is a really big personality and fun needed to big and loud and adrenaline filled and all of that. For me fun is much different – fun is going on a guided hike with a biologist and looking for snakes and newts or meeting a friend for coffee and sitting and really connecting. For me that’s fun.

It’s been good for me to realize that my idea of fun is much more subtle. I always felt like I was boring. It’s just that my idea of is different from what my adrenaline seeking past partners idea of fun has been.

I can’t believe how happy I am now. Six months ago I’m sad to say my happiness was like a 1 or 2 on a scale of 10 – it was really low. Now it’s a solid 8. Where I used to walk around my house sobbing, I walk around smiling now.

This process has helped me to separate and release from my ex so much. We had a business meeting last night and had a challenging conversation. I felt totally connected with myself when I was talking to him and it was really interesting to just sit and observe him where before I would have been really reactive and defensive. I just observed the situation and naturally stayed in my connection, without even thinking about it, and it felt great!

It was interesting I have felt so entwined with him for so long and now I felt so solid in me and in who I am. It feels really good.

When I look back at the things that I’ve done in the past few months with your support. I’ve really stepped outside of my comfort zone and it’s been so good. Thank you so much. You’ve pushed me to places I wouldn’t have gone on my own and it’s really empowered me.

When you ask me to describe myself now… playful is the word that comes into my mind. I just feel lighter and open, loving and excited for what’s next.

And connected, I’ve never been this connected with myself before. I really do love myself now. I can look at myself in the mirror and say I love myself with complete conviction.

This process for me was about learning to accept myself instead of criticizing myself and learning to be gentle with myself. Letting go of the need to be perfect is so liberating. I’m not perfect and I love that about myself now.

I feel really excited and hopeful about the future. I’m wide open now. It feels like the future lies before me like this Garden of Eden. It’s out there and ahead but I’m not labeling it and that’s maybe for the first time ever too. I don’t know what’s out there but I’m so ready and open and excited for it!