The Energetic Matchmaker, Liesel Rigsby
Learn 5 essential tools to making space for love.

Valentine’s Day Hangups

Here’s a reprint of an article I wrote for Finer Minds last year. See the original article here.


Until I married my husband, I always dreaded Valentine’s Day.

If I were with someone, it never lived up to my expectations…. Valentine’s Day always seemed to highlight the flaws in the relationship – like the boyfriend who after 3 years still didn’t know that I absolutely hated fruit inside my chocolate.

And if I were alone, I was usually sad and pining away for the last best guy I’d been with. I was too busy being hung up on the one that got away, to be open to the possibility that the juiciest relationship was yet to come.

Sound familiar?

Top 10 Ways to Know You’re Still Hung Up On An Old Lover

  1. You’re Facebook friends and you just ‘happen to’ check out every tagged picture of them.
  2. Women: You still sleep in his old t-shirt (yes I know it’s comfy)
  3. Men: It’s her face you see when… (I know you know what I mean)
  4. You still wear that necklace he gave you last Valentine’s Day.
  5. You’re now ‘just really good friends’ and hang out. All. The. Time.
  6. You read their old emails/letters when you’re lonely or when things are ‘off’ with your current partner.
  7. You still cry every time ‘your song’ comes on (and sometimes you even play it on purpose).
  8. You secretly feel sick to your stomach when you see them with a new partner.
  9. You still have them on speed dial.
  10. You deny till death all of the above to your closest friends.

Does pining for old lovers keep you from making space for a new one?

True Confession: I was madly in love with a man – let’s just call him Rhett Butler – who I was sure was ‘the one’. When it ended my heart was totally broken.

I continued to ‘live’ in that relationship for another 2 years. I still wore the earrings he gave me, played our songs and read (and reread) his old letters and love poems (God, did he write the best poetry). Energetically, he was still my man.

I held onto him because I was convinced this was it – my soulmate. My one chance for true love. I couldn’t trust that I would ever love again. I was totally willing to wait for him and had a fantasy that we would reconnect in 20 years and live happily ever after.

Then, in a healing session, an intuitive told me I was carrying his energy and it was time to let it go. I cried and cried. Not wanting to give up my one chance for love – but in the end… I did it.

I cut the cords and cleared his energy out. I took off the earrings and put away the poetry.

Only then did it become clear that all the time I was hung up on Rhett, my husband Craig was right there waiting for me. We’d known each other for years, but I had been too stuck in the ‘sludge’ of lost love to even see him.

It took energetically letting go of my Rhett Butler to make space for my husband to come into my life.

Hanging On

When you hang on to past lovers, either consciously or energetically, you tell the Universe that you’re taken. There’s no room for someone new in your life because you’re still ‘in’ the old relationship.

Even if you’re in a new relationship now, you’re still ‘energetically cheating’ if you’re holding on. You can’t completely surrender to a deep soul connected love if there’s the shadow of an old lover lurking in the corner of your heart.

So do you have an ex, or even a fantasy love, who you still hold a torch for?  One who still plays at your heart?  If your real, true, feel-it-in-the-pit-of-your-stomach answer is ‘yes’, there’s a good chance you’re blocking the love you really want from coming into your life.

Letting Go

Here’s what I want you to hear, and to know.

That person who broke your heart was really saying: ‘This relationship is too small for you. It’s distracting you from finding your soulmate, and I’m releasing you to find that love’.

Letting go can bring up a lot of resistance. We can get caught up in the memories of old relationships, in the happiness we felt, the great sex we had, the deep connection that was there.

Like me, you may feel you had your one chance for love. That it doesn’t get any better. Like you messed up the one and only chance you had for happiness.

That even if you really let this lover go from your life, and from your heart, that the void will be too big to live with.

The fear is: maybe no one else – no one really wonderful – will ever want you.

But the gift is much bigger: When you drop into the void and trust that there’s someone out there who will meet you at your deepest soul level, you give yourself permission to receive a love that will blow your heart wide open.

So If You’re Ready for a Love That Deep…

  • Unfriend your old lovers on Facebook – just. click. that. button.
  • Give away or burn all their ‘stuff’.
  • If you still hang out with them, get really honest about what you might be ‘hoping for’.

3 Ways to Really Dig In, Let Them Go, and Open Yourself to Love

  1. Allow yourself to really feel the fear – to feel the pain in your heart. Have a good long cry in the bath tub.
  2. Allow yourself to trust the Universe, to know that you are as worthy of love as every other being on this planet.
  3. Create a special meditation, your own ritual for moving on. Close your eyes… Thank your past love for all you learned from them… Thank them for releasing you… Release them…. And say ‘goodbye’.

It is possible for YOU to have deep and lasting love.

But first you have to let go.


If you’re ready to let go and let LOVE in, I’ll be teaching a powerful energetic release of old lovers this Valentine’s Day in the V-Day Party in Your Heart Workshop. If you have a phone or a computer then you have a date for Valentine’s. Here’s the link with more details!