Align With Love

This morning I was brought to tears reading a friend’s #metoo story on Facebook. It triggered all of my own memories and made me realize, that with at least one of them, I have some more healing to do.

I’ll share one of the “milder” events that happened in my life, and a strategy I used for shifting the energy around it.

I was 25 and out with friends at a bar. I was wearing a tank top with built in molded cups (think Madonna mid 90’s). This guy, who was a friend of my old boyfriend, walked up to me, reached out, and squeezed my boobs while making a honking sound.

I stood there for a moment in shock. Then I turned around and walked away without saying a word. I was in tears when I told a friend what happened, and that I was going home.

I found myself wondering what I had done to make him do that. 

Maybe the shirt was calling too much attention to my breasts. Maybe it was because he was there a year earlier when a group of friends all jumped naked into a waterfall. Maybe because of that he thought I was “easy.”

Instead of making him wrong, I made me wrong.

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I have a powerful tool to share with you that can start to shift the way you carry past experiences of sexual harassment or assault.

***Remember that big traumas need a lot of healing and support – usually one on one – to fully move through them.***

This tool can begin your journey from victim to empowerment. Here’s how it worked for me in healing the moment I shared above.

First, I got really centered in myself.

Then I imagined that moment in time.

I honored the emotions that I was feeling in that moment. The shock, the shame, the anger.

Then I asked what my younger self needed in that moment.

The image that came up was…

Me grabbing his hands and saying loudly “What the fuck are you doing touching my breasts?!?!” Everyone stops talking and looks at us. He looks ashamed, apologizes and sulks out of the bar. Then in my imagination everyone starts clapping for me, because I stood up to him. I’m left feeling empowered and not victimized.​​​​​​

The more I imagine that new scenario, the less triggered I feel about the original event.

Healing Your #MeToo

​​​​​​​If a memory of a past trauma is coming up and you’re feeling vulnerable or triggered, first remind yourself that you are safe here and now.

Start by looking around and naming the things you see in your environment.

Say out loud what year it is and how old you are. This will bring you out of the past and into the present moment.

Get really centered in yourself.

Imagine a root connecting you from the base of your body into the center of the earth – grounding you.

Imagine light from Source pouring into the top of your head filling you with love.
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Important: ​​​​​if you can’t get to a centered place on your own… if the event is too traumatic to look at without feeling like you are reliving it… please seek professional help.
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If you can get to a place of centeredness…

Start by imagining that you are watching the event that happened to you on a video screen and push pause. ​​​​​​​​​​​​​​

Now check in with the younger you in that picture from the past – in this image, everyone is frozen in time except for your younger self.

First ask what she is feeling – allow her to tell you, to show you.

Honor those emotions as valid.

Now ask her, what she needs in this moment? How can she be supported right now? ​​What does she want to change? Does she want to bring in someone to support her? Does she want to change her response? Does she want to be rescued or helped?

It’s not as helpful to ​​​​​​​simply imagine the event never happened – but more important to give a different ending or response to it.

Really imagine the new “memory” – make it as vivid as you can. Keep changing it until it feels empowered and positive.

​Now play it in your mind – often. As you continue remembering the “new” memory it will help to release the trauma of the original one.

This practice ​​​​​​​m​​​​​​ay be enough ​to shift the energy for you, or it may be a first step towards a deeper healing that needs to happen.

Please reach out if you need more support, and I’ll be happy ​​​​​​​​​​​​​​to see if it’s a fit for us to work together or put you in touch with trauma specialists.

I’d love to hear your “redo”. If you feel called to, please share ​​​​​​​​​​​​​​it with me.